just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
