I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
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