I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
