and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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