I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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