do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
