i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
