High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
