Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Randomize
