Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
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