So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
