He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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