He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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