she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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