I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
my liver is dry heaving
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
