his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
