im drinking this country out of the recession.
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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