..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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