im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
