I just saw a hot homeless man
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize
