Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
