She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Ladies don't puke and tell
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
