tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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