i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Randomize
