i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
