Your dad touched me again.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
