I don't usually arrange sex via text message
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
