Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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