Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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