Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
