i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
