I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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