Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
He uses pillows to masturbate.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
