I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I need moral support for this bender
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
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