You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Randomize
