Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Randomize
