Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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