you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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