I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
