Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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