I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Walk of Shame today included voting.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
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