um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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