I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
