Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Randomize
