Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
