i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
