I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
