he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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