He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
She told me I should be a condom model.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Those nachos came to me in a dream
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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