Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I understand Curling. That high.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
